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Archive for the ‘celebrities’ Category

Scan_20160302From my scrap pile comes this 1920s newspaper portrait of Katherine Malm, Chicago’s infamous Wolf Woman, a.k.a. Tiger Girl, who established an early reputation as the “consort of crooks.” according to a Feb. 27, 1924 Times Daily article on her court case. When I first came across this picture, I was naturally hoping she had something to do with humanoid creatures. But as best I can tell from various write-ups, she was given the animal appellations for attacking and killing a night watchman when she was twenty. The Cook County judicial system found her guilty and sentenced her to life . That sentence ended when she died while incarcerated in Joliet Prison at age twenty-eight. She was mentioned in a 2010 book by Douglas Perry called The Girls of Murder City for her kindness in bringing a currant bun to a new inmate, with an admonition to pretend it was chicken. At least Katherine must have been a carnivore.

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We are not Mennonites and we do not raise beets. And yet, everyone tells me I have raised a doppelganger of Dwight Schrute, favorite nerd of NBC’s The Office.

Dieter Schrute

I forced said son, Nate, to do a 7-second impression of Dieter Schrute, Dwight’s UNreabsorbed twin brother. http://bit.ly/844J7K

Dwight, you cannot outrun your past! Muwahahahahahahahaha

Take my poll: How much does Dieter resemble Dwight?

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First, I must say that the Beast of Bray Rd. and his kin that are reported to me from around the country for the past 17 years regrettably bear no resemblance to the cute, sexy werewolves of the book and movie, New Moon. (Which are really Native American shapeshifters or Skinwalkers, not werewolves.) And they would make terrible boyfriends for the following reasons:

 

-The creatures I call Manwolves have no physically human aspect, other than bipedal stance and some behavioral traits, so while they may be good-looking for canines, they aren’t really movie star handsome unless you’re casting for Rin Tin Tin.

-Many who have encountered a Manwolf at close range have reported a horrible smell of wet dog and urine. I bet even love-struck Bella would not be enticed by that.

-Manwolves are snarly, aggressive and anti-social; less than optimal boyfriend material. They eat roadkill, deer and cats so you wouldn’t want one to take you to dinner.

-And worst of all, unknown bipedal canines leave the scene at the first opportunity. That smacks of major future commitment problems.

Second, I would just like to mention that the hunky werewolf lover has a long tradition in literature, despite the inherent problems. One is the story of Bisclaveret, which is Breton for werewolf. Like New Moon, it was penned by a popular female writer, in this case Marie de France, but it predates Stephenie Meyer by about 1800 years (the 1100s).

Bisclaveret was a rich and hunky lord of Brittany who naturally married a beautiful woman. His wife wanted to know where he went for three days of every week, however, and found out that he was spending the time running around, literally, as a werewolf. He transformed by shedding his clothing, and could only change back by putting the same outfit back on.

His wife decided she would prefer a former, entirely human lover who then stole Bisclaveret’s clothing and partied on the werewolf’s wealth with the lady for years. Eventually Bisclaveret was able to kill the knave — and his unfaithful wife — and get his clothing and estates back.

Werewolves are fun to put in fiction, I have done it myself. The possibilities are endless. But whatever it is that people are really seeing in the American woods and fields is something entirely different. And the real creatures, whatever they are, don’t appear ready for their close-up just yet.

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It was really hard to choose a category for this post. Is the Beast of Bray Road a celebrity original creature sketch from the Week, 1992just because it’s being featured on Sean Hannity’s Fox News Channel show this Friday (9-midnight Eastern time)? That’s a toughie, but the creature IS going to be on national TV, so I finally chose the “celebrities, TV, movies” label. However, there have been so many clips of the late Michael Jackson looking werewolfish in his “Thriller” video this past week that the real-life incidents described on Fox may seem tame by comparison.

The six-minute segment will include yours truly and witnesses Steven Krueger and Katie Zahn. Krueger is the former DNR roadkill remover contractor who had a deer carcass nabbed from his truckbed by a 7-foot tall wolf-headed creature in 2006 near Holy Hill, north of Milwaukee. Zahn has been seen on H.C.’s “Monsterquest” episode, “American Werewolf” where she passed a polygraph test on her encounter with multiple Manwolves in southern Rock County.

It also will examine that controversial Gable Film my friend Steve Cook has so thoroughly explored and now opened to everyone as a “creative release.” I have not seen this on any other national program.

Hannity sent producer Tim Rhodes to Elkhorn just ahead of a big thunderstorm in late June and managed to film us in the Kettle Moraine State Forest, grab a few b-roll shots of Bray Road, and then flee the approaching “scattered tornadoes” local weather guys were predicting, all in one day.

He promised us a fair treatment, and seemed genuinely interested in the strange fact that hundreds of people around the US and world claim to have seen what looks like a huge, intelligent wolf walking,kneeling, or running on its hind legs. Open-minded curiosity…always a good sign.

The segment will appear on the show’s regular “Conspiracy Month” feature. See the above Hannity link for a gander at his take on the Honey Island Swamp Monster.

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