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Going Steampunk for WindyCon

Posted in Life, Uncategorized, writing, tagged , , , , , on November 9, 2009|

My Necravenomicon Wings

My Necravenomicon Wings

I’m not a costume person. I had a bad costume-fail for my second grade class Halloween party and never quite recovered. I have always blamed my mother.

She had this thrifty notion that my costume should also be able to double as pajamas, so she had my grandma whip up a baggy bodysuit out of tiger-print flannel, complete with an eared cap that tied under my chin. The really egregious part was that she had forgotten to buy a mask or costume makeup, so she drew jagged stripes all over my face with her bright red lipstick. Altogether, I looked like Freddie Krueger had gotten hold of the neighborhood cat.

My classmates were grossed out. Worse yet, my two best friends, Mary and Leslie, were dressed like little dolls as Little Bo Peep and a fairy princess, respectively. My boyfriend  of the week, Larry Vorba, said Leslie was pretty but I was not. And the lipstick smelled like my mother’s saliva. I pretty much swore off elaborate costumes forever.

Then came WindyCon’s Steampunk-themed con, happening this Nov. 13-15. I’m on two panels and have a book signing — how could I not wear a costume? Besides, Steampunk is Victorian+fantasy+cool, Neil-Gaimanesque imagery. Irresistible. I decided to forget the tiger suit debacle and bought a hat and corset. I then set about creating a fantasy gadget “jet-pack” and attached it to some post-Halloween sale wings from Walgreen’s. I’m aiming for a gothy Victorian Tinkerbell look.

Here is a shot of the wing ensemble, and I’m also rigging up a big pocketwatch/brooch combination and will be carrying a transformed old book. I also have a very short ruffled skirt and tall black boots. And the only lipstick on my face will be between  my nose and chin where it belongs.

Larry Vorba, whereever you are, this one’s for you.

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Books about puppies; Grendel Meets the Cranes (Frasier, Niles and Daphne)

Posted in Life, Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , , on September 4, 2009| 1 Comment »

grenwalk1

I confess that I take way too many pictures of my Lhasa Apso, Grendel. But how many dogs get this close to three sandhill cranes and live for their owners to tell the tale? These were taken on a recent walk around the ‘hood. The comments on each photo are straight from the Grendel-mind, I assure you.

And it is a good thing I had my camera along to capture this scene. I heard the cranes blasting their “Dang the temperature hit 40 last night, let’s blow this place for Florida” call last  night so they will not be around much longer.

The horses stay all year, bless their stolid hearts.

This is the mean  one that always tries to kick Grendel.

We take this walk every day past very ancient and deep kettles (ancient as the last glacier anyway) and it never gets old.

grenwalk2grenwalk3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

grenwalk5

grenwalk6

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On Coast to Coast in the Wee Hours

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , on July 22, 2009| 7 Comments »

This Thursday, July 23, tune into Coast to Coast am
http://www.coasttocoastam.comto listen as I attempt to remain coherent for 3 hours with George Noory discussing strange creatures and odd phenomena such as Green Glow and the Gable Film 2. Lots’ o coffee, lots o’ Red Bull.

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Bray Road Beast on Hannity July 10

Posted in celebrities, strange creatures, TV, Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , , , , on July 7, 2009| 5 Comments »

It was really hard to choose a category for this post. Is the Beast of Bray Road a celebrity original creature sketch from the Week, 1992just because it’s being featured on Sean Hannity’s Fox News Channel show this Friday (9-midnight Eastern time)? That’s a toughie, but the creature IS going to be on national TV, so I finally chose the “celebrities, TV, movies” label. However, there have been so many clips of the late Michael Jackson looking werewolfish in his “Thriller” video this past week that the real-life incidents described on Fox may seem tame by comparison.

The six-minute segment will include yours truly and witnesses Steven Krueger and Katie Zahn. Krueger is the former DNR roadkill remover contractor who had a deer carcass nabbed from his truckbed by a 7-foot tall wolf-headed creature in 2006 near Holy Hill, north of Milwaukee. Zahn has been seen on H.C.’s “Monsterquest” episode, “American Werewolf” where she passed a polygraph test on her encounter with multiple Manwolves in southern Rock County.

It also will examine that controversial Gable Film my friend Steve Cook has so thoroughly explored and now opened to everyone as a “creative release.” I have not seen this on any other national program.

Hannity sent producer Tim Rhodes to Elkhorn just ahead of a big thunderstorm in late June and managed to film us in the Kettle Moraine State Forest, grab a few b-roll shots of Bray Road, and then flee the approaching “scattered tornadoes” local weather guys were predicting, all in one day.

He promised us a fair treatment, and seemed genuinely interested in the strange fact that hundreds of people around the US and world claim to have seen what looks like a huge, intelligent wolf walking,kneeling, or running on its hind legs. Open-minded curiosity…always a good sign.

The segment will appear on the show’s regular “Conspiracy Month” feature. See the above Hannity link for a gander at his take on the Honey Island Swamp Monster.

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Swine Flu name game; gettin’ piggy with it

Posted in Life, Uncategorized, writing on April 29, 2009| 2 Comments »

What’s in an influenza name? A lot, apparently. And like the swine this one is named for, it doesn’t smell so sweet. A

H1N1 Swine Flu Virus Magnified

H1N1 Swine Flu Virus Magnified

growing number of voices are clamoring for a better title for the recent virus, since it also (strangely) includes DNA from human and avian strains of influenza. The American pork industry is grunting the loudest because people mistakenly think they can catch swine flu by eating pork chops, and tenderloin sales are beginning to plummet.

Even genius raconteur Paris Hilton has fallen for this misconception. When TMZ crews asked her if she was afraid of swin flu, she stared blankly for a moment and then replied, “No, I don’t eat that.” (April 28 show)

So yeah, if  Paris is confused, the name has got to change. Some have suggested Mexican flu, but I think that sounds culturally biased. Here’s an idea. The virus contains DNA from three different species, which makes it an official scientific chimera. So how about the Chimera Flu? I’ve drawn my own nightmare image of it (right, copyright Linda Godfrey).

It does seem to spread very rapidly, so Flash Flu might be apt, and has great alliteration.

Scientists, however, have dug deep into their pocket protectors and pulled out the dull medical label, H1N1. That’s the official nomenclature of this particular virus and they say that’s what we should call it. OK. If you pronounce the 1’s like i’s, it sounds like Hiney. Hiney Flu.

But that makes  flu  the butt of a joke, and I don’t think that pig will fly. So I’m sticking with Chimera Flu. In world mythology, chimeras were everywhere — griffins, sphinxes, leopopards — and often had bird and human parts. Pig men are not unknown in folklore, either. It appears this version will spread worldwide, so that part fits too.

I’m glad that’s settled. Now to wait for the rest of the world to catch on.

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CornDog Man and my t-shirt store

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , , , on April 29, 2009| 3 Comments »

Yes, I’ve been away for a while, but it’s been a little crazy. One thing I did during my blog hiatus was to finally start a img001Cafepress store where some of my creature designs are now immortalized on a variety of t-shirts. People have been asking me to do this for 17 years and I have always said no, partly because I didn’t want to be in the souvenir business, and partly because I think hawking merchandise tends to take away from a researcher’s reputation.

It was the Yahoo group Unknown Creature Spot and their dialogue about dog men in cornfields — which devolved into something called CornDog Man — that finally nudged me into an e-commerce experiment. They asked if I would draw a cartoon of this creature for them, and I obliged, and then they began asking if they could get CornDog Man t-shirts. Truth be told, I kind of wanted one myself. So I took the plunge and opened a Cafepress store, which handles all the messy business stuff like printing, stocking and shipping, and set up a few CornDog Man shirt models. I enjoyed seeing my art on t-shirts so much that I added a couple of others; my original Beast of Bray Road sketch, a Bigfoot head, and my Weird Deer emblem.

I don’t know how long I’ll stay in the creature-T biz, I surely don’t expect to get rich from it. But I guess if a few people get a kick out of wearing my artwork, there’s nothing wrong with that. And I will probably be my own best customer, I already ordered a green Weird Deer shirt for my own summer wardrobe. And the CornDog Man, of course, in corny golden yellow.

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Christmas Cards from an Ax Murderer and Other Things People Tell Me At Book Talks

Posted in Life, Uncategorized, writing, tagged , , , , , , on March 29, 2009| 2 Comments »

Kenosha diner sign

Kenosha diner sign

There is a  reason I like to go out and talk to people about my books. Yes I like the sales, and the refreshments are often delicious. My gig last Thursday at the Burlington Antiques Club offered cheesecake and fresh fruit. The. Best. But what really got my boat afloat occurred after I finished blathering and took the opportunity to listen to the 10 people who had gathered to see me. That is when the good stuff always happens. 

This time was no exception. I found out that the host of the meeting, Laurence, grew up in the same town as the Lima Ax Murderer featured in my Strange Wisconsin. And that the murderer, after he went to prison for bashing his two elderly uncles to death, faithfully sent Laurence a Christmas card every year from Waupun. Touching!

I also learned that another of the attendees was the wife of the prinicipal who hired me for my first real art-teaching job, many moons ago, and that they had been following my book publication trail. They had been making a pilgrimage around the state to key sites related to the books and she had brought  their map to prove it. Seeing that was even better than the cheesecake.

This wasn’t unusual. People have told me all sorts of things at signings. One woman had a doctor’s diagram to prove she’d been molested by aliens. Many have related their family ghost stories, or that they have seen unknown, upright canines. The sweetest are those who share that their kids who never read sat down and read Weird Wisconsin or The Beast of Bray Road. Out loud. To their little brother.

Due to the inconvenience of there being only one of me, I sadly can’t attend all the events I’d like. But every time I have to say no, I wonder what I missed. What innermost secret did I fail to learn from some blessed reader?

For it really is true. Get enough cheesecake into someone, and they’ll spill their souls. With raspberry sauce.

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They Say It’s Your Birthday

Posted in Life, Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , on March 20, 2009|

birthday zebra child

birthday zebra child

 

Well, they don’t actually say it’s your birthday, they say it’s mine, on this Spring Solstice Day. Loathe as I am to claim the number that goes with it, I admit the word “birthday” still gives me a thrill. It’s that childish mystique; parties, cake, presents, the birthday song…

Some might call it shtick.

Not everyone does birthdays like modern Americans. My German grandmother always told me her family was too poor for birthdays. Years came and went; who even knew how old anyone was?

My relatives in Prague say they don’t care much about birthdays, either. There the big deal is “name day.” Everyone named Marie celebrates one day, all the Miloslavs party the next. That’s why most Czechs have traditional names…how mean would a parent have to be to name their child something too weird for an official day?

In Norway, they fish for ice cream bars. In some African countries, they ignore birthdays altogether and instead stage group initiations that involve things like decorating themselves with white paint.

Come to think of it, Starbuck dreamed she did that in Season Three of Battlestar Galactica, and it looked like fun, even if it did involve kissing a Cylon named Leoben.

My point, if there is a point hidden under all this icing, is that birthdays are really what we make them. And these days I don’t feel like making them too much.

Let me just wake up and realize that hey, I’m still around, and that purple crocuses are in bloom out there. I’ll take a crocus over a candle any day. I’d much rather wish everyone Happy First Day of Spring! Guaranteed shtick-free.

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Strangely Empathic Video

Posted in animation, crazy video, Life, Uncategorized, unibrow, writing, tagged , , , , , , , on March 18, 2009| 3 Comments »

It’s been a couple of harried weeks, and I won’t schlep through the long tale of what’s kept me from blogging. But sometimes a video just says things so much better, and here is one that, while it has nothing to do with anything, conveys the feelings from my little timeout. Its first line says it all. And since it’s experimental animation, prepare for strangeness. I am not the creator, kudos go to guerilla You-Tube artist Narfin1000.

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A Town Called Cream

Posted in Life, Uncategorized, writing, tagged , , , , , , , , on March 3, 2009| 3 Comments »

Cream, Wisconsin

Cream, Wisconsin

There is a windswept intersection in Buffalo County called Cream. I drove through it one day, lingering where State Hwy. 88 meets Cty. Road E. All the 
buildings, a clustered handful, are painted the color of cream. On a blue sky day they are like clouds pulled to earth and given wooden skeletons. Pristine as sea salt. The crimson of even a lone cardinal’s wing would look garish against all that white.
But imagine the road in the photo turned to dirt, picture it in the year 1872 when Buffalo County’s first fair was held right there in the street. Those stark cream frames  a melee of horses, buggies, oxen, pigs and dusty-booted pioneers. Animal grunts, piles of manure and a table set with berry pies and cornbread.
One of those buildings housed a dance hall in 1903, and in its time it held masquerades, turkey shoots and medicine shows. It was the Broadway of Buffalo County.
The  clot of  dwellings was once called Eagle Valley, which is strange because Cream and Buffalo County are now home to hundreds of golden eagles that never used to live there. Bald eagles are native, goldens are not. No one knows where they came from. Scientists  presently  stalk them, to band their thick legs and follow them home.
As I drove through Cream and turned around and drove back again, I slipped  my Cream-the-rock-group CD into the dashboard player (truth!) and listened to their tune, “Crossroads.”
Surreality.
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